Aiyaa (2012): Rani Mukherjee's Bollywood stalking at its best/worst

I was disappointed earlier this year when Aiyaa didn’t come to the theaters here. Now that I’ve watched it online, I can kind of see why it didn’t. This movie is a hot mess. And yes, it is hot, and yes, it is a mess.

I love Rani Mukherjee like nobody’s business. If you told me to pick one Bollywood actress, she’d be it (if Kajol wasn’t retired, she might give Rani a run for her money in my affections). I just got through telling someone there isn’t a Rani Mukherjee performance I’ve seen that I haven’t liked.

And then...this.

Oh, yes, I still love Rani Mukherjee. But this movie is a giant pile of WTF.

Rani plays Meenakshi, a bubbly Marathi girl who’s obsessed with filmidom and lives with her head in the clouds — can you really blame her when living in reality means behind a Dumpster in a house shared with a scolding mom, inept father and just plain weird brother who won’t work?

Then she goes to get a job at a library and the interviewing boss is supremely creepy and sounds like he’s selling her into prostitution...yet all she does is work in a library.

Albeit with this finely frightening specimen who has no real purpose in the film:

Maina, who has a vodka monkey and screeches and wears strange things.

Oh, but while there, Meenakshi sees Surya (Prithviraj), a Tamil artist. Head-over-Bollywood-heels in no time flat. Meenakshi is in fact so smitten with Surya that she goes around asking everyone about him. What she comes up with is that he’s on drugs, doesn’t sleep (because he's too busy doing drugs!), squandered his father’s money and so on.

Hello sir. You don't even have to say anything. So you won't.

But, y’know, she can’t help being in love with him — the guy she never speaks to. So she begins learning Tamil so she can impress him by speaking in his own tongue. But alas, sully Surya is unimpressed and does not reply, even in Tamil.

Let the games begin.

The stalking games, that is.

Following someone around because you love them is popular in Bollywood (off the top of my head: Love Aaj Kal (retro storyline), Bombay, even Barfi and Dabangg to a degree). And there’s some Bollywood creeper precedent of Shahrukh Khan sneaking into Rani Mukherjee’s room in K2H2 (bed intruder, yaar) and Aamir Khan sneaking into Kareena Kapoor’s bedroom in 3 Idiots.

But Meenakshi takes it to a whole other level, yo.

Meenakshi follows Surya everywhere. Around campus. Into the bathroom. Home. And she even goes to his house under false pretenses to meet his mother — and steal a painted on T-shirt from his room. 
 

MEENAKSHI BEIN CREEPY FOLLOWIN INTO BATHROOM. STAPH!

Oh, yeah, and Meenakshi and her brother try to buy drugs so she can smell Surya’s scent.

Aiyaa! (Aside: part of me wonders if aiyaa passed into Hindi usage from the Chinese term āiyā, an expression of surprise or a mild curse.)

And then of course amidst all of this, Meenaski’s family is searching for a suitable husband for her. But somehow nobody wants to make an offer.

Who doesn't want to marry this? Even Surya's mom ♥s particularly wacky Meenakshi making up stories about being an orphan!

 
And I respond: WHAT! Stalkerish tendencies aside, who the hell WOULDN’T marry Rani Mukherjee?! (Other than SRK passing over her in K3G for Kajol, anyway.)

Ahem, anyway, the family eventually finds a sweet if dweebish and possibly gay fellow named Madhav. But while Meenakshi likes him well enough, he’s definitely not stalkable like Surya (though she does stand outside Madhav’s door and watch him get dressed...). So of course she’s conflicted between this impending marriage and her tendency to come apart at the seams any time Surya’s within 100 yards.

Oh the choices...

 
Oh, and along the way, we stop for some incredibly sexy dance numbers that Meenakshi is imagining  in her head with Surya. By God, Rani Mukherjee can dance and she has to be one of the sexiest in Bollywood (and 34! what what!).

BUT one of these happens to be the biggest Bollywood WTF song I have ever seen (and that’s including the insanity that is Oh Darling, Yeh Hai India). I get that it’s one big joke about South Indian masala — er, South Indian film star is liking this? — but still... WAT IS THIS BUSINESS?!

 

Meenakshi, you are certainly a weird one.

And no one lets poor Prithviraj talk until the end, when Meenakshi — on her engagement night! — stalks him to his late father’s factory — where he works all night for money has not squandered — and finds out HE DOES NOT DO DRUGS; HE MAKES INCENSE. This revelation is so much that she must, of course, faint. And thus our dear hero*, after carrying her and awakening her, finally speaks!

And what does he tell us? That without acknowledging Meenakshi all film long, he has noticed her stalking. That while Meenaski’s family has been trying to “push her out of her home” (an allusion to her unhappy impending nuptials), she has been trying to “enter his home.”

And somehow he is not only okay with all of this BLATANT CREEPINESS, but he says, “Hey, yo, let’s get engaged!”

?!?!!!?!??!?!?

Yes. On the night she was supposed to be engaged to another man, she instead becomes engaged to the man who hasn’t spoken or acknowledged her all film.

...yes. Thank you, Bollywood, for a happy resolution to stalking. Yes. That is EXACTLY what we needed.

Engagement. The happy ending to stalking.

I forgive very, very large amounts of filmi ridiculousness (mostly all things done in the name of humor, I suppose). I’m not so sure on this one. Maybe I would be quicker to forgive it if it were more funny and less creepy.

Well, at least Rani seemed to have fun making this one:

 



 

Prithviraj is the one wearing less clothes!

*“Prithviraj is so handsome, he is the heroine of the film. He has been fully exploited by the director as he has had to strip and go bare-chested, six pack and all. Usually in Hindi films, the heroine has to look hot.”- Rani, in an interview

^ this is frighteningly true about this film, and though Rani definitely looks hot, this is definitely a heroine-centric film of which she is the star and Prithviraj is the arm candy. I’m not so sure how I feel about that, though I can say part of me is happy that there is such a thing as a heroine-centric film with the man riding shotgun.

NEW: Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara: An adventure in Spain and in life

Ahhhh! I’m back! Finally! Due to extreme busyness (if you follow me on Twitter, you know about what), I haven’t had time to consume Bollywood in almost two weeks (apart from Murder 2). I was going through some serious withdrawals and yesterday ended my busyness... So! Once again, I completed the now-ritual weekly trip to the theater for a dose of Bollywood.

Yesterday, it was FINALLY one of the ones I’ve been waiting for, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. And when I say waiting for... I use that somewhat loosely. I’ve been anticipating it for a couple of months, but nothing near my fangirlish anticipation of Ra.One, Mausam and Don 2.

Speaking of which, I saw the trailers today for those last two and OMG SO EXCITED. (I’m glad I didn’t see a Ra.One promo though; it would have sent me over the edge!)

Also interesting note, I saw this film in an AMC theater, which is closer than the Big Cinemas theaters but where the audience is usually different and much smaller (and sometimes bizarre, like when I saw Murder 2). This was the first time I’ve seen a Hindi film in an AMC theater and been part of an actually decent crowd. One of the old white men from before was there again and was kinda obnoxious (in fact, he bought his ticket ahead of me and TOTALLY botched pronouncing Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara), but the crowd was mostly desi. :)

Synopsis: As Kabir (Abhay Deol) prepares to get married, he and friends Arjun (Hrithik Roshan) and Imran (Farhan Akhtar) set off for a “bachelor trip” across Spain. But Kabir is struggling relationship stres, financial trader Arjun is obsessed with money and never stops to enjoy life, and Imran is hoping to meet a man he only recently found out was his biological father. The three longtime friends set out to capture life and bond anew over adventures that also run them into Laila (Katrina Kaif), a half-white half-Indian free-spirited girl who travels at her whim.

First, let’s get the obligatory out of the way: Abhay Deol is FREAKING ADORABLE. Hrithik Roshan is a mighty fine-looking man, especially with his curls kicked into high gear by the salt water and a little bit of tan. (Although, random side-note, Abhay’s character struck me as randomly metrosexual at times and Hrithik kept wearing cuffed pants that showed off his ankles, which is SO annoying to me.)

Now if you read my Kites post, you know that besides Indian culture, I am all about Hispanic culture too (especially Mexico). Although I admit I don’t quite include Spain on the same level as my Latin American loves (and admittedly Spain Spanish is almost obnoxious to me; I blame it on spending too much time around Mexicans), the traditions of Spain have a certain special place in my heart too. So, you should know this film was almost destined to be a hit with me right off the bat just by blending Hindi and Spanish. And it certainly does that in a pretty fabulous way. (Also, random side note, but Hrithik speaks no less than four languages in this film: Hindi, English, Spanish and Japanese.)

And in truth, this song Señorita was one of my favorite scenes in the film (and is already on my iPod) partially because of the Hindi-Spanish blend. It also has the added amazingness of the three leads having actually sung the song (Abhay’s voice is, in the words of Papaya, “almost silly” but I LOVE it) and this awesome fun dance number.

(Video is promo with partial song.)

I joked to my Papaya that ZNMD is the bromance that Delhi Belly wishes it had. The camaraderie in this film is gorgeous; the men struggle, help one another through fear and emotional turmoil, laugh, cry, joke, talk women and cars, and do everything together. Farhan Akhtar’s Imran reminds me of that somewhat douchey but thoroughly hilarious friend that everyone has.

This film is about three men who thought they knew who they were, what made them happy and what they wanted from life... Finding out they didn’t really know at all. So they go on all sorts of adventures in Spain that force them to confront their fears and their confusion. It’s about living and letting go of things you don’t want to let go of. It’s of course too idealistic in that way that all films are, but that’s OK because all films are like that. In truth, some scenes drag out for a long time like they’re supposed to be super meaningful but they take it too far, but for the most part, I thought the message of this film connected. It was a nice emotional ride.

The movie was also funny -- at some point, at least everyone in the theater from young to old laughed. It’s got an element of that gene that all men have where they never quite seem to grow up or grow out of silly pranks. And there are enough jokes about enough different things that it keeps you entertained and smiling.

There’s also kissing and sex, but it’s surprisingly well done and not awkward like most of the other stuff I’ve seen lately.

 And while on the subject of physical love, the love story in this film was pretty nice too. Laila (Katrina Kaif) basically teaches Arjun how to live in the moment and experience life, and he falls in love with her in the process. Now, often to me Katrina Kaif is annoying, maybe because she’s so often given preppy, kind of dumb-blond roles. But in this, the girl she plays is amazing and I love it. Laila is someone who lives life on her own terms and doesn’t stop to think about what other people think. She’s also a deep-sea-diving, motorcycle-riding kind of girl who’s not afraid to get dirty. I love this empowering view of women in a movie that’s basically about bachelorhood.

I just wish they hadn’t played out female stereotypes in the character of Natasha, Kabir’s fiancée. Natasha is basically, pardon my language, a bitch who takes over everything and only thinks about herself. And she’s the stereotypical rich bitchy woman who also can’t drive (because we all know that women can’t drive *eyeroll*).

Overall, though, I don’t see why anyone shouldn’t enjoy this movie (except for maybe little kids), although from reviews, it appears that a lot of people didn’t.

I honestly don’t understand why others didn’t like it, but maybe I enjoy it more because in a lot of ways, I have a “man’s” taste. I can appreciate the epicness of skydiving and running with the bulls and a roadtrip in an awesome car (I think but can’t confirm it’s a late-40s convertible Buick Eight). But whatever the reasons, I certainly enjoyed it and would definitely recommend seeing it. :)

Imran Khan Week: Delhi Belly (2011)

Continuing Imran Week, we come to what was supposed to be the highlight of the week (that has been less than expected because of certain bloggers' slowness; they swear posts are still coming). Well, it's unlikely to be quite so climatic as we predicted, so this is likely to be brief.

So, I don't know what we expected from Delhi Belly, even knowing it was rated R, but let's just say we were all a mix of over and underwhelmed.

Even after hearing that the language of the film is rather colorful, our poor ears were quite offended. We read that the Hindi version was "less offensive" and we probably should have seen that one. (We weren't in love with the idea of an English-language film in the first place for many reasons.) There's an obnoxious amount of F-bombs in this film. An obnoxious, awkwardly placed amount. The number of times that F was forcefully crammed into the dialogue detracted from everything else. The sex scenes were also mostly just awkward and nothing but that. Both the vulgar dialogue and the vulgar sexual stuff just felt like the film was trying too too hard to be edgy.

The film also has a lot of lead-in that's just obnoxious language and bathroom humor. Seriously, I sat through the first 45 minutes of the film wondering if anything was ever going to happen and where the humor was outside of the bathroom. (And if the bathroom humor could even be called humor; we usually find a certain amount of that hilarious [see: yours truly laughed at every single pee joke in Ready] but this... didn't make us laugh.)

For a stretch, once the plot got kicked into gear, it was really moving along. There was less cussing, more of substance happening and more actual subtle humor that drew laughs.

We appreciated getting to stare at Imran, who was looking mighty fine and mighty scruffy. We weren't overwhelmed by this performance from him, though, even if it's nice to see him branch out a little bit. But maybe branching isn't necessarily a good thing: He mostly felt like he wasn't a fit for the role.

And for a film with a premise essentially based on bromance, there was surprisingly little palpable bromance (compared with other great male-trio films like 3 Idiots, Dil Chahta Hai and even kind of Thank You). And there was also not nearly enough chemistry flowing between Imran and Poorna Jagannathan to win us over. (And for that matter, I was kind of annoyed with the idea that wealthy, prissy Soniya was so in love with the idea of marrying Tashi, who was basically a slob fruitlessly chasing a serious journalist's career.)

Oh, and as a journalist, I have an ever-increasing thing about the portrayal of journalists in film (sleazebags or crusaders; most of us are neither) and this one SUPREMELY bothered me. It's a horrible representation of our profession, way of life and codes of conduct (for example no self-respecting newspaper would let a journalist who went through all of that personally and committed crimes, etc., in the process write an article, especially of that magnitude, due to conflicts of interest). Oh, and on the note of Tashi being a slob, journalists are often known for being a bit lax, but anyone chasing the career of "serious" journalism doesn't seriously pursue it being a slob. (Another note being that I hate the stereotype of the writer pursuing being a "serious" journalist; most reporters honestly aren't like that and being a "serious" reporter is essentially a soul-sucking job.)

I've been told this film is a realistic portrayal of Delhite bachelorhood, which is perhaps a way of ripping the glimmering "Bollywood" sheen off of things. But then, to me, this begs the question... Is a comedy really the way to go with that? If you're trying to make a serious point, make a serious point.

Honestly, this was the best part of the film for us. (Also randomly note that we rather enjoyed the music.)

And we'll end it, like the film, with Aamir.

And on a note of things to come, despite our disappointment with Delhi Belly, Imran week should continue. Papaya and Kiwi promise me their posts are in the works and will be done around Monday. We'll see how that goes.

Kites (2010): Mexico + India + Vegas = Que no es amar, mi amor? Aur kya pyaar karane ke lie nahin hai?

As you may have noticed, we're not only messing around with the layout but also clearing a backlog of posts. We watched a lot of films in a short amount of time and then got really busy, me especially with moving stuff up to New York, and didn't post about the films that we watched.

So still likely to come up soon for reviews/posts are Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani (Papaya has been working on it for two months now...), 3 Idiots (now one of my fave films!), Break Ke Baad, Kaho Naa... Pyaar Hai, Mere Baap Pehle Aap, Dil Chahta Hai and Bunty Aur Babli. There's probably more than that, but those are the ones I can think of right away.

Kites (2010)

Jay (Hrithik Roshan) is a dance teacher in Las Vegas who also chases money – including gambling and marrying immigrant women to get them green cards in exchange for cash. When Gina, the daughter of a rich casino owner falls for him, Jay goes along with it to marry into money. Later he finds out that the family dabbles in illegal activities as well, and then that Gina’s violent, ruthless brother Tony (Nicholas Brown) is engaged to Mexican bombshell “Natasha,” better known as Linda (Barbara Mori), the last immigrant that Jay married. Entranced, Jay draws her out for a night to discuss their “divorce” (which only halfway makes sense, just FYI), but the romantic night turns into a run for their lives and the Mexico border when Tony arrives.

Like Aisha, this is one we waited for a long time. Much longer, in fact. We cursed Netflix repeatedly for months until FINALLY they got the DVD. So, pardon much rambling because due to the nature of the film, there must be… much rambling.

Obviously, as you can tell by the fact that we have this blog, the things we talk about on this blog and the amount of Indian film we consume, we (like most of you, I'd hope) have a minor obsession with Indian culture and/or all things Indian. Well, truth be told, we also have a (possibly larger) obsession with Mexico and all things Mexican. We all speak varying degrees of Spanish, eat Mexican food like it's manna from heaven, are planning a cruise to Cozumel if and when funds arise, and have Mexico T-shirts from the FIFA World Cup. Yes, we are possibly a little psychotic, but the takeaway message is WE LOVE MEXICANS.

So basically when we found out that Kites is in Hindi and Spanish and set partially in Mexico, well, we were rather excited. I believe my literal reaction was captured by Papaya in tweet: "lexiburpsalot (talking about #Kites) @nercabeyul: "It happens in MEXICO?!" *flails* (yes, she literally flailed) "WE HAVE TO SEE IT!!"" Heh.

The fact that you get to see Hrithik in traditional Mexican garb COMPLETE WITH SOMBRERO may make the entire thing worth watching anyway. ;)

Oh, hello, sombrero!

Designed matador pants too, eh?

 In many ways, Kites lived up to my expectations. It was beautifully shot. The majority of the film was overall beautifully crafted. It’s sexy (very sexy) and much more fast-paced and action-packed than I expected. The name “Kites” is kind of deceptively mellow – the film has one quote in the beginning about kites, but basically it has nothing at all to do with kites.

Hrithik Roshan is a gem. The man can woo and be sexy (he was looking especially fine in this film, if I may say so) and do comedy and shoot people. And even more than that, the man can dance. As in my mind can sometimes not even comprehend the ways in which he can move. I wish we'd actually gotten more of him dancing.

There seemed to be a lot of complaints in reviews about Barbara Mori and her acting. I really didn’t see it. She was kind of smiley to the point of being annoying, but I think she played her role very well. In later scenes when she had to grapple with some very serious emotion, she pulled it off convincingly and movingly. She and Hrithik also had fantastic chemistry, as I'm sure you can see from the photos lacing this post.

So cute together and such lovely chemistry.

But may I just point out that, based on wardrobe, we appear to have gone from Mexico to Hawaii?

The casting of the bad guy, though – Tony, Linda's finacé/Jay's potential brother-in-law, played by Nicholas Brown – bothered me. His voice just felt strained the entire time he spoke English (and half of the time when he spoke Hindi), and considering the actor is Australian, I think it's an attempt to have the correct accent that just... didn't turn out well. On top of the thinness of Tony as a villain, it was just annoying.

And while we’re speaking of speaking, let’s talk language. The blending of languages is a habit of mine (or ours... among ourselves, we speak our own hybrid blend of about four languages), and having a film in Spanish and Hindi was just flat-out awesome.  (Also, I now wonder... would a Bollywood blog in Spanish go over well? Hmmm...) 

My poor brain likes to confuse languages though, so that was fun. I once watched a chunk of Lagaan with Spanish subtitles right before going to sleep, and I woke up SO CONFUSED with my brain counting, "Ek, do, tres, cuatro..." This was less confusing than that, but my poor brain still struggled a little to separate as either Spanish or Hindi what I was hearing and comprehending. That being said, I had my doubts about the number of people in this film who spoke both. One of the central cruxes of the film is that Jay and Linda fall in love with one another even though they don't speak a common language (except a smattering of English that Linda can pick out). But never fear, for there are about five different people who pop up in this film with fluency in both Spanish and Hindi to translate between the two.

*hem* The only common language Jay and Linda have is sex and money, but they seem OK with that.

At the same time, as much as I love the idea, I'm kind of skeptical of a love that develops between two people who can't even speak the same language. I know so many films in Bollywood hinge on the idea of love that develops rapidly and even nonsensically, and I accept that on almost every occasion. It's part of the aesthetic, and on some level we all want to believe in lasting love that forms almost immediately between two people, regardless of circumstance. But yes, honestly I'm a little bit bothered by this one. How fully can you understand a person, much less love him or her, when you can't... well... understand him or her?

And another language nitpick I have, even though it is, well, nitpicky: Linda's able to send Jay a text message in perfect English, despite a relatively firm establishment in the film that she can only speak broken English. In my personal experience, even my Mexican friends that have been in the U.S. for four years (much longer than Linda) and learned to speak English relatively well can't text in grammatically correct English.

Confused Jay walking around, trying to remember how this film was going...

The film is also somewhat confusingly told in a series of flashbacks, but that's probably an intentional attempt to throw you off balance, especially with the ending, which, though I won't go into detail, is a truly painful downer and both evocative and somewhat silly at the same time. I understand it somewhat on an intellectual level, but it still feels like a degree of escapism to me.

I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the action in this film. I'm sure we all know the painfulness that is poor-quality action scenes – from muggings and fistfights to wars – in Hindi films. There weren't any awkward punching scenes or blatant ridiculousness going on. Which, you know, is a good thing since most of the film has action.

I can never tell how I feel about the "running-away-from-the-bad-guys" plot line. I tend to roll my eyes at the plots because they usually get a little stale after a while (frantic running, near-capture, being shot at, time of peace, repeat – *yawn*), but at the same time, I did just write an entire novel that has the characters running away for the entire book. lol. It's an easy way to keep throwing out constant moments of suspense. So sometimes I get tired of it, sometimes I’m OK. In the end, I don’t know which sometimes rules more.

Moment of peace while evil evil people are chasing after us.

Ultimately, Kites is one that I loved enough that it’s now on my to-buy list, and I definitely plan on rewatching it again in the near future, even if I don’t watch it all the way to the, well, conclusion.