Aamir Khan, Katrina Kaif and other things that bugged me about Dhoom 3

Okay, so I think this post may win for “biggest delay in posting about a new movie.” About four days after watching Dhoom 3, I was like meh, I don’t know that I’ll blog. And I was told nah, you still should. And so I started one, and never fleshed it out much. Well, after nearly three weeks, I don’t know whether you’d call this a real review of Dhoom 3 so much as a me describing a few things that have continued to bother me when I think about the movie.

Synopsis: Like all Dhoom movies, there is Jai Dixit (Abhishek Bachchan) and Ali Akbar (Uday Chopra) chasing down a bad guy on a motorcycle. This time, the bad guy is Aamir Khan playing a circus performer by night and bank robber by day because that bank wanted to repossess the circus building owned by his suicidal father (there-too-briefly-to-be-cringeworthy Jackie Shroff). Adding the necessary estrogen (or at least the necessary female figure to drool over) is Aaliya the acrobat (Katrina Kaif).

Much like Chennai Express earlier this year, Dhoom 3 falls into the category of film (or director) famous for one type of movie meets star actor famous for another type — a recipe, they believe, for a blockbuster. But that is instead a recipe for unfulfilled high expectations.

Dhoom is a great franchise. Aamir Khan is a great actor. But the two do not mesh well.

NEW: Bol Bachchan is full of ridiculous laughs — and why I love Bollywood comedy

I sadly have been very remiss in updating the blog, even when I have had the time to go see new movies. I promised myself after this one that I would say at least something brief.

Synopsis: Orphans Abbas Ali (Abhishek Bachchan) and his sister, Sania (Asin), have lost everything in Delhi, so they move to Ranakpur with their father’s friend, Shastri. Shastri promises Abbas a job with Prithviraj (Ajay Devgn), the powerful man who’s basically the benevolent ruler of the village. But they end up lying to “Prithviji” about Abbas’s identity, instead saying his name is…Abhishek Bachchan. Oh, yes. Hijinks ensue to keep up the ruse to avoid Prithviji’s wrath, including convincing him that Abhishek (who is really Abbas) has an identical (but half) brother named Abbas who is a gay dance instructor.

Sum total? I liked it. But then Bol Bachchan is exactly my cup of comedy tea that I don’t expect everyone to enjoy, just like many AkshayKumar comedies are. If you’ll pardon a mixture of talking about Bol Bachchan in particular and zany Bollywood comedies in general, I’ll proceed.

What’s to like about Bol Bachchan:

·         Bromance: I’m increasingly convinced that Bollywood has mastered the art of a good bromance, and this one is rife with brotherly love and suggestive jokes about something more than brotherly between Abbas/Abhishek and Prithvi. (See below for more on why I love this.)

·         Humor: The humor here just doesn’t stop. There’s physical comedy, dialogue comedy (Prithvi’s English? HAHAHA), situational comedy. All mixed up together.

·         Action: Good guys beating up a ridiculous amount of bad guys. That is always fun, right?

·         Abhishek Bachchan: I know he gets a lot of flak, but I love Junior B because he’s not a miniature Amitabh Bachchan. He’s a gangly goofy giant of a man who’s unafraid to act like a complete fool if it’ll generate laughs.

I'm thinking this is a good look (and role-type) for Ajay.

·         Ajay Devgn: I’m hardly Ajay’s biggest fan, especially in a typical wooing romantic role. BUT give him a power-role and I think he’s made for it. And his muscles (and tattoo!) certainly don’t hurt either. ;) If Ajay wants to run around being the badass good guy, I’m okay with that.

Hellllllloooo, senor.

In that way, Bol Bachchan is kind of like Singham 2.0 … times two heroes with Abhishek also doing double (or triple, considering the dual role) duty as comedic relief.

One reason I think that I love Bollywood comedies — while American comedies rarely make me laugh and I think the “romantic comedy” in Hollywood has very, very little humor — is that they’re unafraid to embrace all types of humor. Colorful is another way of putting it. No gag is too easy or too low or too ridiculous, and so they’re able to have a mass appeal.

I mean heck, we get to watch Abhishek (playing Abbas playing Abhishek playing Abbas) practically lap dance on Ajay. Who looked wildly uncomfortable. I don’t see how that could not make you laugh. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.

Bromance time. (I think in this photo, John Abraham looks
jealous of Abhi's new bromance.)

I think what makes the bromance such a great comedic tool — really a great tool in all fiction — is that it effectively stands for a level of pure (nonsexual) love and understanding where two men are so close they’re unafraid to act ridiculous and yet they have trouble admitting feelings to one another. Because they’re men and that’s just how they are.

To fully understand my sense of humor, you perhaps have to understand that I come from a family where my father is something of a hybrid between Jim Carrey and George Lopez and we speak our own improvised language. “Embracing ridiculousness” is probably an apt way to describe what I love in a comedy. (Heck, one of my favorite Hollywood comedies is the 1944 screwball Arsenic and Old Lace in which two sweet old ladies kill people and bury them in the basement.) I don't want Hollywood's films that like to revel in their own cleverness. I want absurd hijinks that make me laugh. That’s exactly what many Bollywood comedies — Bol Bachchan included — provide.

Umrao Jaan (1981 & 2006): A Courtesan's Tale...Times Two

Well, this was a Bollywood first for me: I've seen two versions of a film and am able to do a comparison. The 1981 and 2006 versions of Umrao Jaan! Forgive any spottiness in this post as I watched the 2006 remake in September and the 1981 version about three weeks ago with spotty subtitles.

If you don't already know… The films are based on a 1899 Urdu novel (often considered the first Urdu novel) called "Umrao Jan Ada" (امراؤ جان ادا) by Mirza Hadi Ruswa, and there is some dispute about whether an actual courtesan named Umrao Jaan existed (as Ruswa claimed). In the story, Amiran is from a modest family in Faizabad, and an enemy of her father captures her and sells her into prostitution at a Lucknow brothel in 1840. Renamed Umrao, she grows up to become a charming courtesan, and she steals the heart of Nawab Sultan, with whom she falls in love (earning her the "Jaan" in her name). But the match is obviously not an approved one and Sultan marries to please his family instead. After a sort of mishap with another would-be suitor who turns out to be a bandit, Umrao returns to Lucknow but finds it under attack by the British and flees. She attempts to return home but her family rejects her, so she goes back to the now-looted Lucknow brothel with only her poetry and courtesan's arts. Rekha plays Umrao in the original 1981 film, and Aishwarya Rai plays her in the 2006 film; Farooq Sheikh plays Sultan in 1981, and Abhishek Bachchan plays him in 2006. (Also interestingly but not necessarily importantly, Shabana Azmi plays the role of brothel owner Khannum Jaan in the 2006 film after her mother, Shaukat Azmi, played the same role in the 1981 version.)

11 Reasons Why Dostana is Better Than I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

This post! I've been wanting to do it ever since we started this blog, but I just got inspiration again finally and decided to sit down and knock it all out.

11 Reasons Why Dostana > Hollywood's Version

So, we all know it happens. Bollywood quite frequently and quite shamelessly rips off Hollywood films. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's brilliant. Right now, I want to talk about one that is BRILLIANT in all caps.

Dostana (2008), about two men who pretend to be gay to live in a nice apartment and get their immigration papers approved quicker, is a shameless copy of the Adam Sandler-Kevin James flick "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" (2007) about two firefighters who pretend to be gay to keep one's pension benefits.

I watched Dostana first several months ago with trepidation because I really didn't find Chuck & Larry to be that great of a movie. In fact, I found it pretty much downright unfunny. Personally I'm not the biggest fan of Adam Sandler, but the man definitely has his moments; I find Kevin James definitely funnier though he's also not a favorite.

Well let's just say I was more than pleasantly surprised when I watched Dostana. I was in fits of laughter the entire time, and this instantly catapulted itself into my favorites list. I then made sure that Kiwi and Papaya watched it. Papaya never saw Chuck & Larry, but Kiwi agrees that Dostana is a thousand times better. We now bring you some reasons why, then some rambling/expounding below.

1. Abhishek Bachchan is funnier than (professional comedians!) Adam Sandler and Kevin James combined.

2. John Abraham is a million times better-looking than Adam Sandler and Kevin James. And that may be an understatement.

3. Friendship is a more translatable message than the garbled gay-rights-maybe-law-maybe-sacrifice? message of Chuck & Larry.

4. Abhishek and John pull off being a gay couple better than Adam Sandler and Kevin James, even with the horribly fake kiss. I mean, really, this movie gave us AbhiJohn! And what did Chuck & Larry give us? ...more Adam Sandler and Kevin James.

5. Music like Desi Girl! (Which is my ringtone. Irony being that I am not a desi girl except at heart.)

6. Kirron Kher (aka Dimples! as we call her) coming in as Sameer's mother presents the horribly hilarious complication of family entanglements that fails with Larry's kids, who are barely around.

7. Chuck & Larry tries to make a comedy from a serious situation (James's character is losing pension benefits as a widower); Dostana is a comedy with a heartfelt basis.

8. Dostana is young and fun, and Chuck & Larry is... not. Kevin James and Adam Sandler are, well, old. And yes, old people are funny too, even James and Sandler (see: Grown-Ups, Paul Blart: Mall Cop), but the youth of Dostana is a definite appeal.

9. Miami > New York for comedy and sex appeal. Florida girls may be biased, but come on, you have to admit you go to South Beach for fun in the sun, not New York.

10. Jessica Biel's character may have more substance and brains than Priyanka Chopra's, but the love story in Dostana (with Bobby Deol) makes infinitely more sense.

11. Bollywood avoids sex, but even the bed scene was better!

I love Abhishek Bachchan for many reasons. The poor guy is one giant gangly, goofy teenager, though (you probably would be too if you were a 6'3" [195 cm] monstrosity in a country where the average man is 5'5" [165 cm]), and it sometimes makes his "serious" dances in other films... Well, laughable. I'm sorry, but the man is ALL LEGS and no rhythm. Here he just gets to be that wildly hilarious gangly awkward teenager and it's GREAT (again, see Desi Girl). As a matter of fact, I wish Abhi would quit trying to do too many serious roles (taking on drugs and stuff in Dum Maaro Dum) and just have fun more often (or mix them, like in Bunty Aur Babli).

John Abraham is another one that I feel often gets lost in more serious roles. The man is adorable. Like I love it when he makes his goofy-looking laugh face. Let him be adorable. And he's darn hot too. As petty as it sounds, I'm tired of him being in roles where he has horrible long hair and you can't enjoy the beauty that is John Abraham.

And even though the first time I watched it, I thought Abhimanyu (Bobby Deol) was the peepeeman, I have to admit, I became increasingly endeared to Bobby as I watched the film over and over again. And, wonder of all wonders, he doesn't have horrible hair in this one!

But anyway, back to the comparison this post is really about. Really, I think the main problem with Chuck & Larry is that the movie started with an issue and tried to spawn a comedy off of that issue, so it tries to straddle the line between serious ideology-thumping and comic situations and juxtapositions. The two don't really mix. On the other hand, Dostana starts off with a comic situation that gets even worse (when both Sameer and Kunal decide they've fallen in love with Neha), but the whole thing is interwoven (not straddled) with a story of friendship and acceptance (which go hand-in-hand).

Yes, perhaps Chuck & Larry has a more serious and/or tightly written plot, but I'd go to bat with you over the quality of its weaver work. Does Chuck & Larry weave in four love stories (Abhi-Neha, Kunal-Neha, Sameer-Neha, Sameer-Kunal), a kid and a begrudging mom? Nope!

And I will say that on the surface, Jessica Biel's character in Chuck & Larry gets a lot more brains and substance to her (she is a lawyer) than Priyanka Chopra's Neha, who has spunk but ends up mostly being just batted between the three guys that love her. BUT Jessica Biel has to walk around in a bra and underwear and put Adam Sandler's hands on her boobs for sex appeal. All Priyanka has to do is stand up in a shimmering gold one-piece bathing suit.

All the appeal with twice the clothes and none of the sluttiness. Doesn't that = more power?

In case you haven't gotten it yet, I think Dostana puts Chuck & Larry to shame, especially in the laughs department. This film never ceases to make me laugh, no matter how many times I watch it.